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winds of change everywhere. i feel like a soggy windsock with nothin inside . . . blargh. ive been sleeping like shit lately and napping every single afternoon. i feel like im making something happen but i keep putting the fucking wooden stick inbetween the spokes of my bike wheel. its lame. im not gonna care much by the time ive got the ball rolling. i know that for sure. its been a long time coming and after doing so much shit to myself and my psyche. even beginning to compare that to 2020 is useless and pointless. so im happy with any progress. i just cant wait for it to really get good
today i made a little list for myself with shit that i want for myself. its basic and barebones but it feels like it has truth in it. like im aching to go back to listening to my own inner voice after abusing it for no reason. i also came up with some rules for myself. here are my rules so far:
ouuuuuuaaaaghhh............. my bones ache and my mind feels battered. looking into this light that i manage to dig through myself and find after years, i judt want to fucking yell at it to make me new again, make me clean, make me whole!!!! i want nothing else!!!!!!!!!!
but i dont want to bore you with melodramatic booshit even if it is my blog and i choose to do what i want with it
im way past that. i need to police what i carve out of me and push out. i spent too long just letting myself push out anything without wondering whether or not it might be particularly good for me to mull it over and project it outwards. too much contamination and not enough of putting the right ideas together, making them fit into good machines, making them into things that feel hopeful to read, things that make you feel wonder...
too much emo, too much moodiness, too much sick, sloughing off bits of tar from the head. too much too much too much... and not enough WONDER!!! so i need to make that real too
i feel like as a side-effect id want the shit i make to be able to serve as a conduit for people wanting to make shit too, for them to realize they have a whole fucking world inside and to pull it out, to explode outwards, to shine harder than fucking ever. after seeing both sides of the coin, i realize i had it right all along. that is all that life is about.
if you read this far, DOPE! THX! if not, whateva :~]
here's a song... one of my fav songs of all time. pure euphoria. have a good 1~!
today i made a little list for myself with shit that i want for myself. its basic and barebones but it feels like it has truth in it. like im aching to go back to listening to my own inner voice after abusing it for no reason. i also came up with some rules for myself. here are my rules so far:
RULES
1) LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE, ALL THE TIME, AT ALL TIMES. STAY TRUE TO YOUR INNER VOICE, AT ALL COSTS, NO MATTER WHAT. (IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE: YES YOU DO, FIGURE IT OUT!)
2) THE PAST IS DONE AND OVER, IT IS MEMORIES. THE FUTURE IS UNCERTAIN AND HAS NOT HAPPENED YET, IT IS PROJECTIONS. ALL YOU HAVE IS THE NOW. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS EXCEPT THE NOW.
3) BLEED ONTO THE PAPER, EXPLODE ONTO THE CANVAS. PUT THE INSIDE INTO THE OUTSIDE.
ouuuuuuaaaaghhh............. my bones ache and my mind feels battered. looking into this light that i manage to dig through myself and find after years, i judt want to fucking yell at it to make me new again, make me clean, make me whole!!!! i want nothing else!!!!!!!!!!
but i dont want to bore you with melodramatic booshit even if it is my blog and i choose to do what i want with it
im way past that. i need to police what i carve out of me and push out. i spent too long just letting myself push out anything without wondering whether or not it might be particularly good for me to mull it over and project it outwards. too much contamination and not enough of putting the right ideas together, making them fit into good machines, making them into things that feel hopeful to read, things that make you feel wonder...
too much emo, too much moodiness, too much sick, sloughing off bits of tar from the head. too much too much too much... and not enough WONDER!!! so i need to make that real too
i feel like as a side-effect id want the shit i make to be able to serve as a conduit for people wanting to make shit too, for them to realize they have a whole fucking world inside and to pull it out, to explode outwards, to shine harder than fucking ever. after seeing both sides of the coin, i realize i had it right all along. that is all that life is about.
if you read this far, DOPE! THX! if not, whateva :~]
here's a song... one of my fav songs of all time. pure euphoria. have a good 1~!
